


Anti-Loganamnosis

by sireva



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, suzuya hinami and ryouko are only implied to being there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3097190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sireva/pseuds/sireva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe where nothing has happened where it should have and may never happen but still can.<br/>Kaneki finds himself terrified to see people he's never recognized but has a vague feeling that he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright actually /I/ don't even know what this is is but read it and you'll get it probably.  
> Also since I have no idea what to do with this, recommend me some m/m ships I should end up doing? Maybe one of the tagged ones? Tell me, please. Both of the ships tagged aren't actually in there yet buT CAN BE! First come, first serve.
> 
> 2/18  
> I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS

Kaneki Ken was a normal student leading a normal college life. Buying coffee or juice before class, spilling said substance on notes, proceeding to laugh nervously in embarrassment, and standing to collect paper towels from the bathroom to soak up the mess.

Stress from utility bills was a given in a student's life, but ignoring said bills and taking reading in a cozy coffee shop was also a given for him. As if reading Kafka and accidentally scorching your tongue on coffee would make them disappear. 

Your friend, Hideyoshi Nagachika, would sometimes accompany you to these sessions (mainly to try and pick up ladies with terrible one-liners) and he would tell you about anything he could. Sometimes you became too entranced by your book and you hoped he hadn't mentioned anything important in his mostly silly anecdotes.

Once during these sessions he told you that your eyes resembled warm chocolate milk splashing in a mug set in the hands of person settled in front of a fire place. And although the fickle try at poetry was recited rather dramatically and sarcastically, it had made you blush enough for Hide to remind you repeatedly that it was a joke and that he had not meant it. That didn't have you blushing, it rather had you frowning.

A couple times now you had wondered of involving yourself romantically with somebody even though you thought of things like that as a nuisance before. But maybe it would be nice to meet a pretty girl that shared the same interests, maybe you two could converse intellectually and let your laughs reside along with the evening chatter of the coffee shop. You sigh at these thoughts because, maybe you did long for something like that and unfortunately, Hide did not provide that but he provided enough for you to greatly appreciate him and his presence. You let out a second sigh, a much larger and prolonged one. This time because although one millisecond ago you had hope for a relationship like that and now you highly doubted it. 

The shop was closing and you pushed the college cliche thoughts away and stood, Hide doing the same.

"Goodnight, Touka-chan!" He called out wistfully, yet boldly, as we exited. The girl blushed deeply and turned her head away, weakly waving a farewell. 

"Ah, Touka-chan seems rather lovely, don't you think, Kaneki?"

You gave a non committal nod. "She is very pretty." You agree.

Hide pouted in a disapproving manner, "Kaneki! Can't you get more excited about girls? I mean, they are so great, so soft, so lovely,-"

You rolled your eyes. He continued to spout adjectives.

-

There were no cherry blossoms floating on the wind from a bark branch to the ground, only crunchy fall leaves covered the concrete sidewalks. Kaneki blinked tears from the corners of his eyes as he watched a small girl and her mother laugh together while they walked hand in hand. As if he had almost known them, he felt, as if he could have known them once. It was strange, but he didn't let the feeling settle as he watched the two disappear around a corner of a building.

He continues to walk, almost unfazed but the twitch of his eye and the spilling tears told otherwise. Somehow he felt like an emptied plastic bottle being crushed and thrown away, not even bothered to be thrown in a recycle bin. The crowd sweeps you away.

Kaneki believes he may be losing his mind.

-

At the coffee shop, a red haired girl idly sipping coffee with a book in hand, one by your favorite author. The only reason your cheeks had not heated at the sight of such a beautiful girl was because a disgusting thing curled in your stomach and you almost emptied your acid covered contents right then. You never looked in that direction of the shop again.

Though, every time you entered the shop, you felt the air prickle your flesh. As if needles were hovering above your skin. This is how you knew she was there but you stayed to read anyway because, after a couple of minutes you lose yourself in the words of your book and every surrounding is forgotten.

-

Walking home from a part time job (There were bills to pay and jobs to earn money.) when he spotted a white-haired... person walking in his direction a few yards ahead. He clutched his wallet tightly as he passed with not the slightest idea why. Kaneki would have to say that it wasn't really like him to do so.

That person didn't linger in your mind as much as others but, more than a passerby should have their stay in your thoughts.

-

After another late night at the coffee shop, this time alone, a purple haired man sauntered past me (Not before taking a noticeable whiff of my hair while passing ; his nose had whistled.) and into the closing coffee shop. I stilled mid-step, foot in the air. 

The door shut after the man and I collapsed onto the ground, as if my body had suddenly become a rag doll and I had almost no control over my limbs for half a minute as I stared sideways across the road, laying vertically on the sidewalk. I sobbed quietly and there was no one around to listen. 

"I'll die, i'll die, i'll die," I incoherently whispered so many, many times, hiccuping with tears rolling across my face, tears from the left eye arching over the ridge of my nose and staining the concrete with darker shades of gray. I wanted to get home as soon as possible, and so with shaky legs and trembling arms I began to try and stand, pushing myself up forcefully.

A cold-as-ice hand took hold of my own and I winced, quickly retracting my hand to my chest. I was kneeling on the concrete.

"Monsieur, would you like some help up?" A disgustingly soothing voice offered.

Nearly glaring, I declined, merely glancing at the man. 

I didn't spare him a second look, quickly collected myself and stood. "I'm okay." I spoke barely above a butterfly's whisper.

The man bowed, I could see from my peripheral vision. "No need to answer so coldly, mi amore, my only intention was truly to help you up... " He trailed off. His stare bore into the nape of my neck, a hand shot up to cover the skin on an unknown instinct. "My mistake if not but, have we met?"

Eyes widening more than a fraction, the revolting feeling returned two fold. No answer was given and I broke into a sprint in the direction of my apartment.

 

When I arrived I quickly heaved my dinner into the toilet(Which consisted of two coffees and left the puke looking a gross brown). Tears burned at the corners of my eyes and at this point I could no longer deny asking myself. What was going to become of me. If a trip to therapist would explain these strange happenings. I knew I would not deserve my sanity for much longer. when my life up until now had been useless. My lower lip quivers in unknown fear of everything that has never happened and can happen. Tears run freely down my pain stricken face now, although I felt no pain. My breathing is labored and coming out choppy.

Fingers clutch the fabric over my stomach, pleading to nothing. Sleep never overcame my anxieties and I stayed the night on my bathroom floor.

I woke anyway with a very uncomfortable position and a pained back. With a groan, I slowly stood and took a second to observe myself through the mirror. My appearance could foretell everything by itself. Blood shot, swollen umber eyes with puffy under bags and flaking dried tears upon my cheeks. 

I frown and splash water onto my face before exiting. Get dressed, have a snack, brush my teeth. I'm slowly strolling to the nearby college(I'm slouching) when Hide catches up to me with a yell of my name.

"Kaneki! Why didn't you wait up I thought- whoa, didn't sleep well?"

Oh, I had forgotten Hide in the midst of my sleep deprivation. 

While I was more observant of a book's abstract writing and I could easily identify the hidden messages, Hide could read a person by they're appearance or demeanor. Always, since we had become friends as kids, when I was lonely or distraught with anything he would do what he could to brighten my spirits. Before he would invite me over to let me read the variety of books his mother owned and offered a hamburger. Now he would also offer me a hamburger and take me to the cafe we so frequently visit.

"No.... I guess not. I think it was something expired that I ate." 

Hide stares ahead in silence with his arms raised behind his head as he walks, "You should drink milk then! I read that it cleans out your stomach!"

I shook my head slowly, smiling slightly. "No, Hide, it doesn't. But, salad does."

Hide mouthed an O and nodded thoughtfully at the information. "Then i'll buy you a salad for lunch." He concluded selflessly.

It was easy to forget how lucky I actually was to have Hide as my friend.


	2. Peak Onomatomania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Mr. French Gay. OH and that Glasses Cunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna die i wrote like half of this two years ago and finished it today oh and sorry for the weird ass spacing, i tried to get rid of it but i dont fucking know... all i know is that i dont know... all i know is that i dont know nothin
> 
> oh yeah and ive kinda decided that the change of point of view from first person to third has to do with Kaneki dissociating depending on whats happening in his head and stuff at that point in time.

Throbbing, thrumming, banging against your cranium. Thrashing in your sleep, dreaming of white angels, one stands at the center with particularly snowy hair but is dressed ominously in black.

Not only with luminescent eyes that sprayed nothing but black and red along the white of those surrounding it. A stain in the otherwise eerie scene of angels. None stifled the echo of the white gowns they wore ruffling in the wind. Fabrics upon fabrics rubbing against each other, creamy hair being blown in the same direction.

Those man-eating eyes rest on you, all the rest are empty sockets of black tar, turning time and staring. They're mouths move in synchronization but only the one in black speaks, voice excruciatingly rustic, a professor's nails on a chalk board, the dragging of silverware on porcelain plates.

"I will never die."

 

I scream.

I continue screaming at the ceiling. I quickly sit up, fingers clutching the white sheets. White like their hair. I scramble out from the bed and stumble into the bathroom. Switching the light on, I steady myself against the sink. My hands take hold of the frame of the mirror sitting at the wall, I stare into my own eyes. I stare at each etch of color in my iris, the black hole of my pupil. The whites and the blood-filled veins.

Sighing in relief, I slide against the bathroom wall.

 

"It was only a nightmare." I try to remind myself in a whimper. Although it was, in fact, a dream, I couldn't help but notice they all resembled me.

 

Hide was calling, my phone still sat at my nightstand, the familiar upbeat chime sounded throughout the apartment. I recollect myself and head out to answer.

 

"Hello?"

 

The words spoken back were muffled, next was clearly a chuckle from somebody that was definitely not Hide.

"Hide?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Ken." His voice was soothing, "I'm here. I called in to check on you."

 

"... So late?"

A pause.

"Well, yeah. After that bad food you ate...." There's another pause and Hide releases a defeated sigh, "I couldn't sleep." A chuckle in his voice.

I settle onto my bed again, laying on my side. "I'm fine. We should sleep, we do have class early, after all."

Again, only the the inhales and exhales of Hide could be heard through the line.

"Yeah, you're right. Goodnight. And, take care of yourself, Kaneki, be careful of what you eat."

 

"Thank you. Goodnight. I will. See you tomorrow, Hide."

 

The line went dead and I placed the phone on the nightstand, connecting the charger.

I slept but I couldn't recall what I'd dreamt once I awoke.

 

\--

 

Routine, routine. Wake up, don't think, brush your teeth, get dressed, (try to) eat breakfast. You're out the door in less than fifteen minutes, heavy bags under your eyes. You couldn't help but notice that Hide had it the same for himself. You two continue walking, side by side, shoulders occasionally bumping and Hide spewing words as he usually does.

It was moments like these that could have you feeling content, wondering how those flowers grew in between the cracks of the concrete. They shine with the morning humidity; it had rained during the night. And now that you recall, it had been raining when you woke in the night. You remember the soft pattering of raindrops against the roof.

//I shake my head as Hide places his hand upon my shoulder.

 

"Dude, want to help me with something after school? I have to get something from an upperclassmen."

 

"What are you doing with an upperclassmen?" I ask.

"Oh, he was helping me with some text books he has from his freshmen year of college. You know, so I don't have to buy them for like a hundred bucks each." He chuckles a little incredulously.

 

I nod, "Yes, I'll go." There really wasn't anything I was busy with except for studying.

 

-

 

"Excuse us for the intrusion, Nishio!"

 

It's nearly four o' clock in the afternoon and we find ourselves barging into a scene written in a romance drama. The girl straddling Nishio jerks from his lap and snatches her clothes to cover herself in embarrassment. She absconds the room like there's no tomorrow with a fading scream.

 

"Ah, way to ruin the fun. You should've called first."

 

Hide smiles, "My bad." He laughs.

 

Nishio sighs; Hide was a lost cause.

 

"Anyway, you came for the books, right?"

 

"Yeah."

 

'Nishio', as Hide had called him, swivels in his chair once before standing to shuffle through a shelf-

 

It was the first moment I get a proper look over of Hide's friend, from face to toe, then my skin begins to crawl in a vile way, grossly so as I continue to give this man a once-over. His eyes resembled that of a cat's, narrow- calm and calculating. He captures my stare with an amused glare. It was as if he was trying to seduce me into something lesser, something inferior.

 

"Who's this? Kaneki, was it?"

 

I stutter, "Y-yes." I croak and cough into the crook of my elbow. I could feel a creeping unexplained anger rising within me; it quickly dissolves into remorse, then pity. Emotions too quick for one moment, it made me nauseous.

 

"Hide mentioned you once, I'm not a stalker." His eyes are half lidded now, more relaxed than a moment ago.

 

"I-I didn't think tha-"

 

"Got em'!"

 

Nishio claps his hands together, sitting into his desk chair. "Now get the fuck out of my room." He smiles.

 

Hide smacks me behind the shoulder, "Alright, Let's go. Thanks, Nishio!" Hide sends back as we exit.

 

I offer a weak "Goodbye, Nishiki."

 

-

 

"I think it's time we held another study session. At the cafe no less!"

 

We're leisurely exiting the college entrance when Hide suggests this. I wasn't opposed to it, and though I felt exhausted, I still would rather not get home.

 

"Okay."

 

Abruptly, Hide takes my hand in his and leads the way in a march. I bounce along since the pace is a little too quick for a walk but too slow for a run; Hide is skipping, whistling a tune unbeknownst to me. The tune is high and happy, excited, rapid, going up and down the pitch scale. I clutch onto Hide's hand, it was warm compared to the chilly weather, a contrast to everything and anything around us. It was the only true home I had left and nothing could tear us apart as long as I keep my grip and he kept his.

 

In that stand still moment of a thought something crashes into us, my hand slips from Hide's grasp.

 

Rapid apologies (somehow soft and sultry in their quickness) follow us while we scramble onto the concrete sidewalk.

 

"Monsieur! My deepest apologies, I was hurrying along and wasn't paying my way."

 

I didn't look up as the man with the vaguely familiar voice pulled me up by a hand. I somehow felt as if my brain was pushing unwanted memories to the back of my skull, adding pressure and causing an immediate migraine. I immediately held the back of my head in pain.

"Oh, monsieur! Did you happen to hit your head? If you'd like, i'll apologize with two coffees?"

The man has ridiculous violet dyed hair for an adult, his lips forming a sultry smile that somehow conveyed his arrogance in buying a couple of strangers forgiveness through coffee. Hide expresses his suddenly found good fortune without a second to think by immediately accepting the generous offer, he would never mind a couple of free drinks. Although he side-glances at me in a concerned manner.

"Are you okay, Kaneki?"

I manage to pull a weak smile, "Yeah, yes, I'm okay."

"Well I assure you," The strange man speaks up, "whatever ache I caused you, a warm cup of coffee and a nice conversation in a cozy coffee shop during this cold weather will fix you right up, mi fleur!"

"I'm sure!" Happily agreeing, Hide leads the man and myself on to the coffee shop that was only a few feet away from our collision.

Following closely behind, in an attempt at idle conversation as we enter the establishment, I ask the man's name. In that moment he turns to me, pupils suddenly blown and tongue swiping at his lips as if he's being served a particularly piquant dinner, "There's no need to act like strangers, Kaneki-kun, we both know you'd make a nice meal."

Double taking at him I take more than a few steps back in terror, my body began to shake slightly, but somehow still uncontrollably. I can barely spit out my words and I notice Tsukiyama giving me a look you'd give to a three-legged dog limping it's way down the street, hunger evident in it's protruding rib-cage, except it also looked like the expression of a mother who watched their child fall and is now consoling them. It's unbearable, I can feel stomach acid rising in my throat-

"What's happened? All I asked was if you'd like a meal with your coffee, mi amore. All you have to do is decline" The man is tilting his head, only seeming to be mildly confused at my actions.

I'm suddenly brought back to reality, where a man did not just imply he'd like to eat me, back to the moment where I think of an excuse in my embarrassment at acting so wildly. 

"Sorry," I divert my gaze to Hide who is walking towards us from the counter "It's only that I'm still feeling sick at the thought of eating after consuming something rotten yesterday..."

"I ordered our drinks, Kaneki! Sorry, uh, what's your name?"

"Shuu Tsukiyama." He gives a very slight bow with that infallibly sly grin, "And you two are still strangers too."

"Well, I'm Nagachika Hiedeyoshi, and-" Gesturing to his friend he waits a second for him to respond until he decides it's necessary to bump him lightly with an elbow.

"Ah, I am Ken Kaneki, pleasure to meet you, Tsukiyama."

"The pleasure is all mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nor gonna deny it, that last half was shit. my writing has gone to shit, i havent written shit in a long time so please forgive me while i get back in the groove of things

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, thanks <3 I really appreciate what people have to say, whether it be negative or positive, I learn from both.


End file.
